When I was 14, I was a really half-assed Goth.  Like an ‘I like The Cure + Anne Rice + Siouxie and the Banshees + dyed black hair + my one pair black and white striped tights’ Goth.  I flirted with the subculture, but I kept meeting people who actually believed they were vampires (you’re going to suck my blood, dude?  No, you are not going to suck my blood.  It is 2:00 p.m., I just met your mom, and you have some pimples on your chin & a trig test tomorrow), and the boys always tried to do a really bad ‘intense hypnotic smolder’ thing, and they didn’t have any sense of humor, and the hard-core Goth music kinda sucked and scared me in equal measure.  I remember being particularly scared of  Ministry and their fans (I know this is technically industrial, relax Dr. Gothatron), because they seemed too intense (maybe it was because the beginning of The Hunger was so effectively creepy?).  So I abandoned goth and went more grungy/punky/nineties alternative (which made me super outsidery! I was the only one who really got Green Day!), and then I got embarrassed about that and went more indie, and so on forever and ever down the obscure pitchfork rabbit hole until I no longer cared about being cool because I have a child to raise and so what, turns out Elton John is awesome.

Anyway.  Yesterday I heard a double dose of Ministry on the radio (sirius new wave, duh), and could not believe I’d ever been intimidated by it.  It is so tame, and so cheesy in its melodrama, just like an actual 14 year old goth kid!  Frankly (and yes, fine, it’s probably because they all ripped Ministry off), it just sounded like electroclash on downers instead of coke  (ya burnt electroclash!  Take that decade old tiny music scene!).  It was sweet, really, in the way that goths are always kinda sweet.  They want to come off as dark and tortured, but for the most part, they are just synthy cheeseballs (metaphor fall apart).

So here is a very famous Ministry song that is kinda catchy and you can dance to it!  How could anyone be scared of a song that includes a badoobumpbump chorus?

Ministry Everyday is Halloween